I started talking with my folks about getting my plane tickets back home. It's super exciting because it will be a week shy of a year since I left home. I'm so pumped to see my folks and friends, and I happen to be making a UK detour on my way so that I can visit a friend that I haven't seen in nearly two years. Yeah, I am super excited! I can't wait to drive the truck down a country road with the windows down. I can't wait to walk around the farmer's market and eat my apple turnover and slowly consume a cup of amazing coffee at my favorite coffee shop (while absolutely not studying or writing a paper). I can't wait.
But I can wait.
For some reason, I thought it would be a good idea to figure out how much time I have left here. Three months. I'm not really big on finality and endings. I don't sit around waiting for them, I don't do countdowns, I don't really do goodbyes. I'm a military kid, and moving is just part of the gig. And yet, here I am dreading this inevitable end. This will pass, and I will really live the last three months of my time here, but I feel the anxiety setting in, and I may as well write it out.
Why be anxious? I can fire off a number of excellent verses to combat anxiety: The Lord your God is with you He is mighty to save, Do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself, The Lord is my shepherd, Do not be anxious about anything but in everything by prayer and thanksgiving, The Lord has plans to prosper me and not to harm me, Perfect love casts out fear... It goes on. God must have made anxiety a focal point of so much of the Bible because he knew we would and will spend an inordinate amount of time freaking out about anything and everything.
The questions and fears really haven't changed since I was a kid: What will I do next year? (Goodness knows I get asked that by EVERY PERSON I come into contact with.) Where will I be living? What about the friendships and familiarity I just spent 8 months building? How will I meet new friends in my new place? And again, what will I be doing?
I am in a pickle.
The reality is that I have so many wonderful options. I am blessed beyond measure to have so many wonderful options. The Lord is saying, "You've got this, you just have to choose. I will be with you when you choose and in every step after that. Stop worrying." I think I will. Obviously, there will be days when that is hard, and for those days, I ask for your prayers for peace in my heart and boldness to make a decision.
Making the next choice is never easy, but trust your gut, and trust that you're in good hands -- it's going to work out the way it's meant to be.
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