wednesdays

I have to say, Wednesday is the longest day of every week. Let it be clear, I'm not complaining about this, but it is a true fact that Wednesdays are very long days. The morning is spent preparing for the rest of the day and anything else that is to come, and the afternoon/evening is spent picking kids up from school/their homes and taking them to various activities we like to call Wacky Wednesdays. Each of us interns teaches two Wacky Wednesday classes, and mine are Outdoors Club and a cooking class. 

I get to a point on Wednesday afternoons before we charge into actual programming where I recognize that I might not be able to make it to the end of the day without having a meltdown, let alone giving my kids the best and most engaged version of me, which I am well aware is what they deserve. I am so well aware that on my own strength, there isn't a chance Wednesday would ever come together.

So, here's what I do: I climb up into the massive gold van that I have the privilege to drive this one afternoon a week, I stare off into the distance, and I say, "Lord, you've got this. It's all you," and I drive off to Chimborazo Elementary to make my first stop. After a handful of other stops, a hike, more dropping kids off and picking them up, destroying and reassembling a kitchen, making sure everyone has a full belly, and a final set of drop offs,  I put the van back where it belongs, and I go for a little stroll back to my house. I walk and I let my mind drift back over the day. There were ups and downs, poor decisions and whether or not I handled those well, the turn I took a little too sharply in the van, laughing over pots and pans, so many dishes washed, and any number of other things.

It becomes clear that there's no way I did it by myself. 

Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; the shall walk and not faint.

Isaiah 40:30-31

literacy

It's definitely February. I'll be perfectly honest and say that I'm fully ready for summer. I understand that winter could be a whole lot worse, but I'm just not feeling this cold weather and grayness. Part of the problem is likely my blanket refusal to accept the fact that it is indeed cold, therefore resulting in my being under dressed for the cold. You win some, you lose some.

I've been thinking a lot about literacy. It's a pretty huge part of my job in terms of the tutoring piece. CHAT's literacy program at our tutoring sites is a fairly new thing, but has grown out of the understanding that being able to read informs every area of a student's life in even as simple a way as not being able to complete a math word problem or a question on his/her science homework. So, instead of just going over homework with our kids, we read. After reading, there are plenty of comprehension and evaluation activities to accompany any text.

Last semester, I worked with each student to assess his/her reading level. I try to come up with new books that each kid would want to read, and I provide materials for when something a little extra is needed. The thing is that I am so wholly unqualified to do any of this. I mean, I love books and reading, but I've never learned about reading interventions or plans for students who are struggling. Our literacy director is a wealth of knowledge and is constantly giving me direction and materials. Still, sometimes I show up at the site and a tutor asks me something that I have no idea how to answer, or I feel really silly setting goals and suggesting specific activities because I really know very little.

It's super encouraging in the midst of my not knowing and not being qualified to realize that God so often used ill-qualified and messed up people to lead. I'm no Moses, but even he was super hesitant to be a leader and kept making excuses for himself and said that he couldn't speak right.

believing.

Last week in study group, we read in the Bible where Jesus heals the official's son in John. Here's some of it.

"At Capernaum there was an official whose son was ill. When this man heard that Jesus had come from Judea to Galilee, he went to him and asked him to come down and heal his son, for he was on the point of death. So Jesus said to him, 'Unless you see signs and wonders you will not believe.' The official said to him, 'Sir, come down before my child dies.' Jesus said to him, 'Go; your son will live.' The man believed the word that Jesus spoke to him and went on his way."    -John 4:46-50

The rest of the story is that the man returns to his house and his servants tell him that his son recovered yesterday at the exact hour when Jesus told the man that his son would be healed. Because of this interaction, the man believed and so did his entire household.

This story is crazy. I'm not even talking about the fact that the son was miraculously healed. This guy's son was on his deathbed, and he leaves and walks for a day or so away in the hopes that he might find this Jesus guy and maybe Jesus can do something to help. I mean, really. Would leave my dying child on the off chance that maybe, maybe some random person could help? Nope. Then again, I have no idea what desperation a person would feel waiting around knowing that your child is dying. Who knows. Maybe I would go.

But that isn't even the half of it. Jesus tells this man that his son is healed, and without having any way of actually knowing, scripture says, "The man believed the word that Jesus spoke." He believed that his son had recovered and was fine. It's not like he had a cell phone to call in and check about his son. He simply believed that moment.

So often, I pray and ask for things not believing that those things are possible. I maintain some degree of control in that way because I can't be disappointed. I wonder, though, with this situation with the official, did the miracle happen in part because he believed it would? If I don't believe that God is listening and will answer (not necessarily in the way I want), then why am I asking?

I wonder what would happen if I truly believed that God would move on the things I asked.