Julie's School of Moto Driving Excellence

Mary, the new teacher, and I had our first moto driving lesson from Julie's School of Moto Driving Excellence. (Don't worry, Mom, we didn't even leave first gear or the yard for that matter.) I'm sorry if this is going to shatter anyone's perception of me, but I happen to be incredibly short. A lot of people tell me that I don't seem short (whatever that means) but that once they realize how short I actually am it makes sense. All that to say that I am 5 feet and 1 inch and too short for my feet to reach the ground when I am on a moto. Many of you laughed when you read that last sentence because you really know how short I am.

Because there was no way that I could really keep the bike upright (don't worry, mom, moto driving will never be a possibility for me, unless they make mini motos....). Julie would run behind me holding onto the back in the exact same way that my dad likely held onto the back of my bike when I was learning to ride my it without the training wheels. I don't actually remember him coming outside with me and holding onto the bike, I just remember being so, incredibly angry with him that he'd taken the training wheels off, and being in tears, and falling off the bike by myself. Then again, I was so angry that there's a chance my anger blocked out a more positive image of him for that time. Regardless, Julie was my figurative mom keeping me upright as I learned to ease off the clutch, get going, and then brake.

There was that one time when I had stopped with the moto slightly turned so that I wouldn't run into anything. Then, when I was trying to start it up again and get it going, There was something about the way that the front wheel was turned and leaning, and Julie had walked away a bit, so I was on my own, and I hadn't even started to move, but I just fell right over. It was one of those slow motion things where I knew what was going to happen, I was powerless to stop it. I looked up at Julie and said her name for the entire time that I was falling. Mary and Julie both ran over laughing to right me and bike. Meanwhile, I am on the ground laughing so hard I can barely breath, and Einstein is licking my face and excitedly trembling all over me. It was quite the scene! The funny thing is that even though I must have hit the ground fairly hard, the only thing that really hurt was my pinky.

Julie gave me the biker name "Madame Hog." I feel like it works on a number of levels given my complete domination of my first moto lesson and the fact that I own a pig. It's also just a boss name in general. I'll take it.